I Can Wait
by High Stress Level
Summary: In the aftermath of OoTP, Remus shuns all human contact, going into mourning for Sirius. After the mourning gets out of hand, Bill takes it upon himself to bring Remus back to the real world. SLASH


**Title**: I Can Wait  
**Author**: E. Kathleen Roper  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Warnings**: SLASH  
**Written for the Remus/Bill FQF Challenge**: 21. In the aftermath of OoTP, Remus shuns all human contact, going into mourning for Sirius. After the mourning gets out of hand, Bill takes it upon himself to bring Remus back to the real world.  
**Disclaimer**: These are J.K.Rowling's toys, I'm just playing with them, and I'll put them back when I'm done, more or less intact. Er...I think I might have broken Remus, but I promise that Bill will put him back together again.  
**AN**: This was written is late 2004, so it isn't HBP compliant. Just gathering up all my old fic and putting it here, so it's all in one place. There is a sequel to this, if I can find it.

**I Can Wait**

It had been at least three weeks since anyone had seen him. He hadn't left his room since the last full moon, when he had gone down to the cellar, to lock himself in and wait for the time of the beast to pass. When he dragged himself back up the stairs the next morning, battered and bloody, he hadn't spoken a single word to anyone. The only sign he gave that he was even still alive was when he cracked open the door and pulled in the plates of food Molly left for him on the floor outside.

For the last three days, he hadn't done even that.

The general consensus had been to let him be. To leave him to mourn Sirius's passing in peace. Everyone could see how close the two men had been. They were the best of friends, so recently reunited, only to be ripped apart again. But Bill knew that it had been more than that, so much more. He had seen the looks that passed between them when they thought no one was watching. He had seen the covert, and overly casual, touches they shared. And he thought everyone else must have been blind not to see it too. Perhaps they didn't want to see it. 

Remus was not a man mourning for a fallen friend. He was a man mourning his lover. A man who would give up anything, even his own life, so that they could be together again. Perhaps it was simple selfishness, but Bill couldn't allow that to happen. It might be kinder to simply stand aside and do nothing. Another few days, a week perhaps, and Remus would have his wish. He would be with Sirius again.

But Bill was willing to be a little selfish. Sirius could wait; he had all of eternity, after all.

When his mother carried down yet another untouched plate, Bill could see the hopelessness in her eyes, and he knew. "You've given up?" he asked.

"I don't see what more we can do," Molly said sadly. "We can't even send him to St. Mungo's, with the new Ministry regulations... Perhaps it would be kinder to do nothing." 

"To hell with 'kind,' Mum," Bill said. "We've lost enough good men already, and I'm not going to stand aside and watch while we lose another. I'll go talk to him."

Molly frowned, but didn't comment on his use of language. "He won't see you. He hasn't agreed to see anyone for weeks now."

"I wasn't planning to ask his permission," Bill said firmly, and strode from the room before she could respond. He took the stairs two at a time, his determination growing with every step. When he reached the door to Remus's rooms, he tried the knob, but as he expected, it was locked. The door was covered with extensive wards; Remus was a very powerful wizards after all. But, Bill was a curse-breaker, and he had taken down more powerful wards many times before.

It took nearly an hour to disable the wards, they were complex, many of them overlapping and interwoven. But, at last, they had all fallen, and only the simple lock still held the door shut. A single _Alohomora_ would have opened it, but his frustration has been rising steadily, so instead he took a single step back, and kicked the door open, his heavy dragon hide boot slamming loudly against the door, causing the ancient wood to crack and splinter around the lock.

The room behind the door was dark and smelled heavily of firewhisky and unwashed flesh. Bracing his senses against the stench, he blinked several times to force his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. The curtains had been pulled shut over all the windows, but small shafts of light filtered in through the cracks between them, dust motes glimmering like fairy lights in the golden rays. The light from the door spilled across the unmade bed, which looked as though it hadn't been used in days.

Remus was curled in a battered arm chair in the far corner, a half-filled bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky clutched in his hand. His eyes glimmered unnaturally in the half-light. Bill didn't speak as he turned, repairing the door with a flick of his wand and shutting it silently. He turned the latch, so that they wouldn't be disturbed; everyone in the house must have heard the crack as he broke open the door.

"Get out," Remus said finally, breaking the silence. His voice was dry and cracked from weeks of disuse.

"No," Bill said quietly. He strode over to the windows and threw open the curtain, causing waves of dust to billow through the air. The sudden light did little to improve the atmosphere of the room, but at least it gave him light by which to see. He glanced over at Remus, seeing that the man looked far worse than he could have imagined.

His eyes were red, sunken into his skull, and he blinked feverishly against the unaccustomed light of the sun. His skin had an unhealthy grey pallor where it stretched tight against his skull, the dark lines of scars, old and new, standing out in stark contrast. He had lost far too much weight in the past week, looking to be little more than a skeleton.

Bill sighed and looked away, but his determination to bring Remus back to the world only grew. Wordlessly, he pushed through the door to the adjoining bathroom and lit the lamps that hung on the walls. The room reeked, and he spent several minutes casting quick cleansing spells on its contents before setting the tub to fill. When the bath was half-full he returned to the other room to find that Remus still hadn't moved.

Plucking the bottle of firewhisky from Remus's unresisting hands, he said, "Go take a bath, Remus. You stink."

"Fuck off, Weasley." 

At any other time, Bill would have been shocked by the profanity from this man, but at the moment nothing could surprise him. "No," Bill said calmly. "You're going to take a bath. I could strip you and dump you in the tub myself -- and you better believe I'll bloody well do it -- but I'm offering you the chance to do it yourself and keep what's left of your dignity." 

With a glare worthy of Hogwarts' Potions master, Remus slowly dragged himself from the chair and stumbled into the bathroom. He slammed the door behind him, and after a few moments, Bill heard the sound of splashing water as he climbed into the tub. Nodding slightly in satisfaction, he turned to survey the room. It was a wreck.

He had left a monitoring charm on the bathroom to alert him if Remus had any trouble -- with the amount of liquor in his system it was a very real possibility that he could slip beneath the water and drown -- so he wasn't worried. Remus would probably be in there for quite a while, so while he waited, Bill began to tidy up the room. He found towels and some clothes in a pile of dirty laundry, and after casting a quick cleaning spell on them, he cracked the bathroom door and tossed them inside.

By the time Remus emerged from the bathroom, Bill had the room more or less in order again, and most of the stench had dissipated. Remus looked much better for having bathed, though his clothes hung far too loosely on his frame, and his eyes were more alert. "Better," Bill said. He studied Remus carefully for a moment, then warned, "I'm going to cast a sobering spell on you."

Remus glared at him again, though not as viciously as before, but before he had a chance to protest, the spell was complete. Bill had chosen one of the more sophisticated charms, one that didn't leave the recipient with an immediate hangover, so he was only momentarily disoriented as the alcohol left his system.

"That wasn't necessary," Remus said, somewhat disgruntled.

"Yes, I think it was," Bill said. He picked up Remus's coat, one that would pass in the muggle world, and tossed it to him. "Put this on, we're going out."

Remus didn't even try to catch the garment and it fell to the floor in front of him. "I'm not going anywhere." 

"Yes, you are," Bill said firmly. "We're going out. You need to see that there is still a world out there. Life moves on. You may not like it, but it's true. You need to move on too."

The glare was back in full force as Remus said, "You can be a real bastard."

Bill's lips twitched in something like a smile. "Don't let my mother hear you say that. She still insists I was just born a few weeks early. Now, put on the coat."

Slowly, Remus leaned over and picked up the coat. When he finished pulling it on, Bill took him by the arm and steered him towards the door. They were halfway down the stairs when the door to the kitchen opened and Molly stepped out. Bill shook his head warningly and she retreated back into the kitchen, a look of relief on her face.

Once they made it outside, and past the anti-apparition wards surrounding the house, Bill took Remus's arm again and Apparated both of them to a sheltered area near a muggle pub that he liked. He wanted to get Remus out of that disgusting house for a while, but he really didn't think the man was up to interacting with other wizards at the moment. The chances of running into someone they knew, who would want to talk about recent events or, Merlin prevent it, Sirius, would just be too great.

It was still early in the day, so the pub was mostly empty; there were only a few men sitting at the bar, looking as though they never left for any reason, and a few diners in the secluded booths along the back wall. Bill steered Remus to a booth, and they both sat, but Remus hardly seemed to notice. He was lost in his own thoughts again, his face closed off and his eyes shuttered. When a girl stopped by the table to take their order, Bill ordered for both of them, and they sat in silence until the food arrived.

Remus prodded the food on his plate listlessly and sighed, before finally looking up a Bill. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because you're still needed."

Remus shook his head slowly. "No. I'm expendable, we all are."

"You know that's not true."

"It is," Remus said, closing his eyes. When he spoke again, he sounded far older than his years gave him any right to. "The fight against darkness never ends. It's been raging since the beginning of time, and it will continue forever. We both know that. The names change, but the fight never does. I'm tired, Bill. I'm tired of fighting. When I'm done, someone else will come to take my place. That is how it has always been."

Bill reached across the table and took Remus's hand. "I'm not talking about the war. I'm not talking about the Order, or the fighting against darkness. The battles can fight themselves without us, for now." He slowly stroked his thumb across Remus's palm. "I'm talking about me. I need you."

Finally, Remus opened his eyes, and they were haunted as he stared at Bill. "What are you saying?" he asked, but even as he spoke, his eyes begged Bill not to say it. His eyes begged Bill to leave him to his grief.

But Bill answered the words, not the silent plea. "I'm saying that I've loved you since I was a child. First I was waiting until I was old enough to tell you. Then I was waiting for you to realise that I was no longer a child, and that the ten years between us isn't that great of a gap. Maybe I waited too long, or maybe I should have waited longer, but I can't wait anymore. You're slipping away from me, but there's no way in hell I'm letting you go until you understand what you mean to me. I need you, Remus. I always have." 

Remus shook his head slowly, but not in refusal, and his hand tightened around Bill's. "I need more time."

"I know," Bill said quietly. "I can wait. I can wait as long as you need. I'll still be here. Will you?"

"Yes," Remus said, his voice stronger. "I'll be here."

FIN


End file.
